I'm so fucking centered right now
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
