On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
