Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
