I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
