if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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