Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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