anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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