i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We left an ass print on the piano.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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