Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I need to stop coming to work sober
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
