I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
