I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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