Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
How does one acquire holy water?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
