We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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