What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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