when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
