I look better un-naked...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
