got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
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Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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