if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
