Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
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