my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
