it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Randomize
