I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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