So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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