I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
