Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize