my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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