I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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