Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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