I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
