Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
