I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
