I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
