You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i used baking grease as lip gloss
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She's the barista slut.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We have so much sex to catch up on
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
