My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
