3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
