My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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