These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
