Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
