I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
