i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
