i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize