Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
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I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
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You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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