It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
As shirtless as possible
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
