Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
