I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
