I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
