You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
