girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
