I want to make a zoo with you.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
