apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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