every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
