whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
