Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
