Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
