totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize